There is a moment in intentional dating when everything feels both exciting and uncertain. You’ve met someone new. The conversation flows. There’s curiosity, attraction and possibility. But somewhere between the first conversation and the third meetup, a quiet question begins to surface:
Where is this actually going?
This week, I found myself thinking about that very question.
After sharing the first episode of Intentionally Dating, I received messages from people who said they recognised themselves in the journey. Some were hopeful. Others were cautious. Many were simply trying to figure out how to date with intention rather than confusion.
And in many ways, I realised I was navigating the same questions myself.
The List That Became a Mirror
A few years ago I wrote a list.
At the time it felt simple enough — a vision of the kind of partner I hoped to meet. Over the years I’ve added to it, refined it, crossed things out and rewritten parts of it entirely.
Some of the items on that list are lighthearted. Physical traits, small preferences, things that make you smile when you imagine them.
But the most important things on the list didn’t come from imagination.
They came from experience.
I’ve been in relationships where certain things were missing — things I didn’t realise were important until I felt the absence of them.
Respect.
Kindness.
A shared faith.
A welcoming family environment.
Those experiences shaped the list into something deeper. It stopped being a wish list and became more like a reflection of what truly matters.
Writing it down forced me to ask an uncomfortable but necessary question:
Am I the kind of person who attracts the things I’m asking for?
Becoming the Person You’re Looking For
Intentional dating has a way of turning the spotlight back on you.
It’s easy to say you want honesty in a partner. But are you honest with yourself?
It’s easy to say you want someone kind. But are you consistently kind?
It’s easy to say you want integrity. But do you live with integrity every day?
The truth is that relationships often reflect who we are just as much as who the other person is.
Sometimes when a relationship becomes difficult, it reveals parts of ourselves we didn’t realise needed growth.
And that can be uncomfortable.
But it can also be transformative.
Because once you recognise it, you can change it.
Rethinking Early Dating
Another thing I’ve been reflecting on is the language we use.
We say we’re “dating,” but often what we’re really doing in the early stages is simply meeting up.
And that distinction matters.
A meetup carries curiosity but not commitment. It allows two people to explore whether there is something worth building without rushing into emotional attachment too quickly.
Meetups are simple.
A coffee.
A walk in the park.
A conversation in a public space.
Nothing complicated. Nothing overly intimate.
And perhaps most importantly, nothing that makes it difficult to step away if you realise the connection isn’t right.
The Third Meetup
There’s something interesting about the third or fourth time you meet someone.
By then you’ve already decided they’re worth seeing again. There’s familiarity forming, but the relationship still sits in that undefined space between curiosity and intention.
That’s the moment when deeper questions start to matter.
Not in an interrogating way. Not like a job interview.
But in a way that reveals values.
Recently, I found a creative way to navigate that moment.
Turning Questions Into a Game
Instead of trying to force serious conversations into casual moments, I decided to approach it differently.
I wrote several questions on small folded notes — simple prompts that could spark honest conversation.
Some were meaningful.
Some were reflective.
A few were intentionally playful.
There were questions about faith.
Questions about values.
Questions about how someone views marriage.
And there were also lighter ones — the kind that reveal personality more than philosophy.
We took turns picking a note, opening it, and answering the question inside.
What surprised me was how natural the conversation felt.
It didn’t feel like an interrogation.
It didn’t feel uncomfortable.
It felt like discovery.
Because sometimes it isn’t the answer itself that tells you the most about a person.
It’s how they think about the question.
Learning When to Move Forward
Intentional dating isn’t about judging people harshly.
It’s about clarity.
When you know what matters most to you, it becomes easier to recognise whether someone aligns with those values.
And if they don’t, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are the wrong person.
It may simply mean they are not your person.
At the attraction stage, there is no commitment yet.
That’s exactly why it’s the safest moment to be honest — with yourself and with the other person.
What Would You Do?
Imagine this situation.
You’re on your third meetup with someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Conversation has been easy and the connection feels promising.
But during a deeper conversation, you realise some of their values don’t align with the most important things on your list.
Everyone approaches this moment differently.
And sometimes the answer reveals as much about you as it does about the other person.
Moving Forward with Intention
Intentional dating isn’t about perfection.
It’s about awareness.
Knowing who you are.
Understanding what matters to you.
And recognising the difference between attraction and alignment.
Because when those two things finally meet, the relationship that follows tends to look very different.
And perhaps much stronger.