There are moments in life when the simplest lessons arrive in the most unexpected ways.
Recently, while preparing to move house and packing up years of accumulated belongings, I found myself reflecting on life, relationships, and the deeper questions we often carry quietly in our hearts. One question I had been asking for some time was this:
Why do so many marriages fail?
Whether people are Christian or not, the reality is that divorce rates around the world continue to rise. If marriage is something designed to bring two people together in partnership and love, why does it so often break apart?
During a quiet moment of reflection, the answer came through an unexpected visual lesson — a tree.
The Lesson of the Tree
In front of me was a small olive tree. At first glance it seemed simple: leaves, branches, olives, soil and a pot holding everything together.
But the question came to me:
What actually keeps the tree alive?
Is it the pot?
Is it the soil?
Is it the leaves or the fruit?
You can remove a leaf and the tree continues to grow. You can pick the olives and the tree still survives. Even the pot itself is not essential — the tree could be planted elsewhere.
The true source of life for the tree is its roots.
The roots carry nutrients, sustain growth, and hold the entire structure together. Without them, the tree cannot survive.
And in that moment the connection became clear.
The Root of Marriage Is Unity
Just as a tree depends on its roots, marriage depends on unity.
Unity is what holds two people together through the ups and downs of life. It is the foundation that allows a relationship to grow, thrive, and bear fruit.
When two people marry, they come together in partnership — becoming one unit. This unity is what gives the relationship strength.
But when unity begins to break down, problems begin to appear.
How Disunity Enters a Marriage
Disunity can show up in many ways.
It can appear through dishonesty, hidden financial decisions, lack of communication, or emotional distance. Sometimes it comes through larger betrayals such as affairs or broken trust. Other times it enters quietly through everyday stresses like financial pressure, grief, job loss, or unresolved conflict.
What begins as a small separation can slowly widen if it is not addressed.
Without unity, couples can drift further and further apart until they no longer feel connected at all.
Why Communication Is Essential for Unity
One of the most important ways to protect unity in a marriage is through communication.
Couples who talk openly about their struggles, fears, and decisions are more likely to stay aligned. When challenges arise — and they always will — facing them together keeps the relationship strong.
Unity does not mean life will be perfect. Every marriage experiences trials and difficulties.
The difference is whether those challenges are faced together or separately.
When couples remain unified, even the hardest seasons can strengthen the relationship rather than break it.
Fix the Root, Not Just the Symptoms
Often when marriages begin to struggle, people try to fix the visible problems — the arguments, the stress, the frustration.
But these are usually symptoms rather than the real cause.
Just like the tree, the real issue often lies deeper.
If the root of unity is damaged, the entire relationship feels the impact.
Restoring unity means returning to the foundation: working together, communicating honestly, and remembering why the relationship began in the first place.
Unity Applies to Every Relationship
While this lesson is powerful for marriage, it applies to many areas of life.
Unity strengthens:
- Friendships
- Business partnerships
- Families
- Work relationships
- Communities
Any relationship built on shared understanding, trust, and alignment has a stronger chance of thriving.
Without unity, even the strongest structures eventually weaken.
Returning to the Root
If a relationship feels strained or disconnected, sometimes the most powerful step is simply asking:
Where did the unity break?
From there, couples can begin the work of rebuilding communication, understanding, and alignment.
Because when unity is restored, the relationship has a chance to grow again.
Just like a tree whose roots are healthy and strong.